Changing Your Mind Doesn’t Mean You Failed
In more recent years, women have been encouraged to dream big. We’ve been told that we can have it all; have the career, the status, the life we want.
But what we aren’t told is that if we no longer want something, we are still worthy.
Instead, we are often shamed when changing our minds and told that it means failure. We are told that we have to question our own thoughts.
But, I want you to know that changing your mind doesn’t mean failure. Not even close.
When it comes to your career, changing your mind means that you’re brave enough to choose yourself. And that you’re brave enough to step away from the box that everyone else puts us in.
This took me years to figure this out, accept it, and practice it.
I grew up in a very loving and supportive household as a first-generation daughter of immigrants. My parents moved to the U.S. from Trinidad and Tobago (a Caribbean island), just a few short years after segregation ended. As many first-generation children know, there is a high expectation to choose a career path and never look back. But those paths are usually restricted to a few options: doctor, lawyer, nurse, engineer, accountant.
When entering college, I was no exception, and I selected pre-med as a major.
Almost immediately, I felt trapped. How was an 18-year-old girl supposed to determine the rest of her life with one decision? How could she be bold enough to question the sacrifice that her parents had made in giving her the opportunity to create a different life? The life her parents also saw in movies.
The shame and guilt from even contemplating that change was all-consuming.
But the regret of seeing that decision through was almost unbearable.
That regret turned into bold questions that would ultimately become the “north star” in my career. The questions that have allowed me to create the life and career I never thought would be possible.
What if changing my mind didn’t mean anything?
What if it just was?
What if it didn’t have to mean disappointment for my parents?
What if it didn’t have to mean I was unworthy of a different path?
What if it didn’t have to mean failure?
My family didn’t mean to tell me a lie, but they did. They blindly trusted what society told them their daughter had to do in order to be seen as worthy and successful.
They believed the lie that she needed to dress a certain way, speak a certain way, have a certain title, have a certain career in order to be successful. And anything else was a failure.
But it’s absolutely false. How you choose to define worthiness and success is fluid and evolving, just like you. And it will ebb and flow with each season of your life.
You don’t have to shame yourself for changing your mind.
With practice, that thought has transformed into self-conviction. And it has allowed me to successfully pivot my career 6 times over the last 13 years - including launching my business and becoming an entrepreneur after a layoff in 2019.
I never planned to be an entrepreneur. Hell, I didn’t even know that that word was at 18-years old. It wasn’t in my world.
But, I dared myself to change my mind almost 20 years ago. And it gave me permission to define success on my own terms.
Now, as a career coach and CEO of my coaching practice, I get to support countless women who do the exact same thing. You’re going to grow and change as a person and your career is allowed to do the same.
Sis, I want you to know this: You are worthy, you are successful, you are amazing just the way you are.
You can change your mind and still have everything you deserve.
Here are 5 ways you can practice change without shame or feeling like a failure:
1. Become an expert on yourself = stand out & land a job!
We spend a crazy amount of time being experts on others; their skills, jobs, accomplishments. Shift that energy and focus on yourself. Having clarity for your strengths, talents, and skills, and knowing how they apply to various roles and industries, will only help your job search. You won't waste time building a career you don’t even want. You'll instead create a career that that aligns with who you are and that will allow you to be who you are.
2. Get rid of your career FOMO by networking!
Which jobs are the right fit right now? Do you take something just for the experience? Or do you hold out for the job you really want? Networking is an awesome way to answer these questions and understand what the job is like. Bonus, you'll establish your reputation and increase your chances for a referral to a job!
3. Your career is a mental game; start building your mindset now.
Your career is going to be full of changes that you create and that are created for you. The way you think about yourself and the wins and challenges you'll face will be a game-changer as you build your career.
4. Practice trusting yourself.
There will never be a shortage of opinions about what you SHOULD do in your career.
These are someone else’s opinions about your life and career. Practice trusting yourself about what you feel is right, not what you think you should do. You may not have all the information or answers you want, but there will be a “nudge” telling you what next step to take; learning to trust that nudge is the key to creating the career you want.
5. Let go of expectations and timelines.
You have the best intentions in creating a plan for your life. The one thing I’ve learned is that the plan and timeline is a suggestion from your past self. Allow your current and future self to update, change, or completely rewrite it. You are becoming you.
About the Author
Andrea Yacub Macek is the founder and CEO of her career coaching business, AYM (aim) Consulting. As a former career advisor and HR business partner, she has seen firsthand how young professionals struggle when adapting to a career and the lack of support and guidance that the education system provides. Connect with her here.
